Paleo Plus Alcohol: NOW We're Talkin'

May I be struck down by the Paleo God's for my next statement but.......

I. Heart. Beer.

and tequila....

and vodka......

and wine....

What can I say, I'm an equal opportunist. 

I know it's hard to believe but I really don't drink that often.  Why?  Simple. It makes me fat.  Oh, and it hurts my insides, I perform terribly and it feels like a family of gnomes rented my brain as a bounce house for the day.  

But! Life happens. Events happen. Friends happen.  So without pretending I'm immune to the fun that comes along with having a few adult beverages, I'll admit for the right occasion or no occasion, I drink.

Paleo and Alcohol, is there a way?  

For starters, don't fool yourself. There is no Paleo and alcohol.  It's Paleo plus Alcohol.  Just like it's Paleo plus Internet.  Paleo plus air conditioning.  Paleo plus cell phones. I'll say it once and leave it alone.  We are not cavemen.  We emulate the diet of the OG human being because it makes good sense, not because we actually believe it's 2 million B.C.  and hand crafted saber cat sliders are on special.

If folks choose to throw back a few, so be it.  We're all smart enough to know that drinking isn't helping you reach fitness goals, body goals, fat loss goals.  

Say what??

It's true.  Sad, but true.  

Booze is full of sugar, empty calories, carbs and boat loads of bad decisions like pizza sandwiches and Rico the bartender. 

If you're serious about staying healthy, getting strong, trimming up and loosing fat then staying on the wagon is the way to go.  

But as I mentioned before, we put ourselves in situations that may find it nessecerry (or unnessecerry) to do some 12oz curls.  Here are some tips to keep you feeling better....ish, in your skinny jeans...ish and paleo....ish.

Paleo plus Beer....

Yes, beer is derived from some sort of grain and although fermented it will likely have some residual gluten.  If you do fine with beer, great! Let's hang out. If you don't do well but love it anyway, try my top 3 gluten free beers.

  • Widmer Brothers 'OMission.'  I know my beer and this is the closest thing to a real tasting brew I've had.
  • Dog Fish Head's 'Tweason'ale.' I'm not much for fruity beers, but it's pretty damn good. It's also Farmer's favorite.  
  • New Planet GF Beer. Killer varieties ranging from rasberry to blonde.  

Whatever you do, stay away from Redbridge and Bard's, unless you want to throw up before you even swallow.

* Bonus Tip:  Corona has fewer than 20 ppm of gluten. I have plenty of gluten sensitive friends who can enjoy Corona without any issues.

Paleo plus Booze....

Vodka, tequila, rum, gin, bourbon, what can I say. I love all my children!  And although most parents won't admit this, we have our favorites.  

Starting with drinks derived from gluten free foods like potato, corn, agave, apples, rice etc is probably a good plan,  however all alcohol goes through a distilling process which should nuetralize any remaining glutens making them harmless to even the most sensitive bellies.  Do me a favor and test them out yourself.  I don't want to get blamed for you waking up like pinky here...

Regardless of which poison you pick, a basic rule of thumb

  • Blended margaritas,
  • Sweet and sour
  • Juice
  • Tonic
  • Soda pop 
  • Daquiries
  • Simple syrup
  • Grenadine

      = SUGAR aka EXTRA CALORIES aka BIGGER PANTS aka N O T   H A P P Y

      The square root of a nasty hangover.

3 of my Paleo...ish cocktails

  1. Titos Vodka, club soda, 5 limes wedges.
  2. Don Julio Anejo, fresh lemon wedge, 2 orange slices, 3 limes. Shake the heck out of it!
  3. Shot of bourbon.  Sometimes you're in a hurry.

Paleo plus wine....

Wine is made from grapes.  Grapes equals sugar.  Have a glass here and there if you choose but don't pretend that you're doing it for 'heart healthy' benefits.  That's bogus marketing.  All alcohol calms your nerves and lowers blood pressure.  

Bonus Tip: sparkling wine has less sugar AND the bubbles help you get a buzz faster.  Just sayin'.

Paleo plus cider....

Thanks to our new gluten free society, hard cider has become extremely popular.  Although very tasty, it's produced from apples and so it's going to have a lot of sugar.  Some more than others, so beware and read the labels.  I've found that Crispin, Ace and Strongbow have the least amount while Angry Orchard, Wyders and Wood Chuck have quite a bit more.  Might as well drink Kool Aid and vodka.  Or a "Fader-Ade"  Gatorade and vodka of course. 

Last call and my final thought....

I'm considering this blog post as the parent who says "if you're going to do drugs, do them in the house."  

I'm obviously not telling you to go out and drink nor am I claiming that drinking is healthy or paleo or a good habit.  Duh.  But if you're going to do it, now you are well versed in paleo...ish drinking.

Are you offended by this post?  Don't worry.  The paleo God's finally got me...

Do you have any favorite drink recipes or favorite cocktails?  Share your knowledge, share this post on facebook and leave a comment below.  We certainly appreciate it!